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Forum "Korrekturlesen" - Korrektur
Korrektur < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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Korrektur: Freie texte
Status: (Frage) beantwortet Status 
Datum: 19:37 So 09.12.2007
Autor: pati_pola

Aufgabe
Korrektur eines Textes

Ich habbe es auch schon von meiner Freundin kontrollieren lassen doch ich bin mir nich sicher ob es jetzt richtig
ist.

Ich bitte um schnellste Antwort denn ich brauch die Lösungen.
Ich schreib nähmlich am Dienstag die Arbeit :(:(




I agree with the suggestion that good pupils are nerver popular.
This people can't fight back so why should I respect them?
The most people bully someone to attract attetion like andy in the story "stiff is ugly and has got fleas".
Stiff was an new boy in the class who doesn't look good an who was difficult like the others.
I feel sorry for Reuben because he hasn't got friends or someone who support him in this hard situation.
The very important rule at school is "outsinders are not accepted" and Reuben should change his behaviour.
If he doesn't want to be like the others he has to accept the consequences and stay to himself.
When he would fight back then the pthers will stop bullying him.
I'm ashamed of those people who don't agree with the bullying against Reuben.
They should be strong enough to stand up against it

NÄCHSTE ARGUMENTATION

I don't angree with the suggestion that parents can forbid us all the stuff that we liked to do.
I think the parents have right to know the results at school are.
I can understand parents who want to know more about friends, free time activities.
Young people have trouble with adults because they don't have the same opinion.
It's annoying that speaking for a long time on the phone discrupe my parents.Bad results at school,cltohes and hair style,dirty room,to much tv or computer,no respect for parents are the most problems with the adults.
I always get angry when my parents tell me what I should to wear.
In this age friends are very important for teenagers.
The parents try to tell young people what they already know for example : arguments about "wrong behaviour".
The latest Fashiion is for most teenagers very important.
"clothes makes the people".
A lot's of young people run away from their problems but it's important to have somebody who support them.
In my opinion young people should fight for their independent.

NÄCHSTE UND LETZEE ARGUMENTAION :S

Against the law ?

In my opinion most teenagers just enjoy hanging out with friends or going out and don't break the law.
Many young people steal other people's property because some people can buy expensive things and others can't.
I think it's unfair against the people who haven't a work.
I agree with the suggestion about young people hanging out late in the evening or smoking and drinking in puplic.
There're many dangers in the streets and that's why the parents would stop them from getting into trouble.
Young people need some sort of entertaiment.
There should be more places like youth clubs where young peple can go and have fun.
I don't understand this people who take drugs because it's so dangerous for our brain.
People who steal are criminals,not poor kids.
When somebody break a law became a serious injury and can go to prison.
I think crime should be stop because it's damage other peoples,
We should all fight against it.

Ich habe diese Frage in keinem Forum auf anderen Internetseiten gestellt

        
Bezug
Korrektur: Antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 20:32 So 09.12.2007
Autor: ponysteffi

Hier die Sätze, die ich ändern würde:

I agree with the statement that good pupils are nerver popular.
(suggestion ist eher Vorschlag, Statement heisst Aussage)

These people can't fight back so why should I respect them?

Most Most people bully someone to attract attention like andy in the story "stiff is ugly and has got fleas".
(ohne the, weil most schon die Meisten heisst)

Stiff was the new boy in the class who doesn't look good and who was difficult like the others.
(du hast mit was und doesn't zwei verschiedene Zeitformen, könntest du auch noch ändern und dich für past oder present entscheiden)

I feel sorry for Reuben because he hasn't got friends or someone who supports him in this hard situation.
(support ist die Grundform)

The very important rule at school is " outsiders are not accepted" and Reuben should change his behaviour.

If he doesn't want to be like the others he has to accept the consequences and stay away from the other pupils.
(ich hoffe ich habe verstanden was du mit stay to himself, was es nicht gibt, sagen willst)

When he would fight back then the others will stop bullying him.

They should be strong enough to stand up against it
(stand up against it habe ich noch nie gehört, meinst du für jemanden einstehen? dann wäre es to stand up for someone)

I don't agree with the suggestion that parents can forbid us all the stuff  we like to do.
(das the kannst du weglassen, like weil ihr es immernoch gerne habt)

I think that the parents have a right to know the results at school.
(weiss nicht wie du auf das are am schluss kommst)

I can understand parents who want to know more about their childrens friends and free time activities.

It's annoying that speaking for a long time on the phone discrupe my parents.
(was meinst du mit discrupe?? ich würde bothers schreiben, = stört)

Bad results at school, clothes and hair style,dirty room,to much tv or computer,no respect for parents are the most frequent problems with the adults.
(die meist vorkommenden probleme)

I always get angry when my parents tell me what I should wear


In this age friends are very important for teenagers
red] For teenagers, friends are very important. [/red]
(ich würde den Satz ganz umstellen)

The latest fashion is very important for most of the teenagers .

"clothes make people"
(würde ich so als Aussage schreiben)

A lot of young people run away from their problems but it's important to have somebody who supports you.

In my opinion young people should fight for their independence

I think it's unfair against unemployed people.

I agree with the suggestion about young people hanging out late in the evening or smoking and drinking in puplic. public
(hier würde ich wieder suggestion mit statement oder conclusion ersetzen)

There are many dangers in the streets and that's why the parents would stop them from getting into trouble.
(hier kannst du nicht abkürzen, ich versteh aber nicht was du mit dem satz sagen willst... wer ist them?)

I don't understand the people who take drugs because it's very dangerous for our brain.

When somebody breaks a law became a serious injury and can go to prison.
(du sagst hier "Wenn jemand gegen das Gesetz verstösst, wird er ernsthaft verletzt und kann ins Gefängnis gehen" ich denke du meinst "When somebody breaks a law, he should get a serious punishment and should be sent to prison. das heisst soviel die "wenn jemand gegen das Gesetz verstösst, soll er eine ernsthafte Strafe erhalten und ins Gefängnis müssen)

I think crime should be stopped because it damages other peoples,


Ich hoffe ich kann dir damit helfen und du verstehst meine Verbesserungen

Bezug
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