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Forum "Korrekturlesen" - Verbesserungsvorschläge
Verbesserungsvorschläge < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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Verbesserungsvorschläge: Frage (beantwortet)
Status: (Frage) beantwortet Status 
Datum: 10:44 Di 13.05.2008
Autor: little.bubble

Hey!
vielleicht könnte jemand, wenn er/sei zeit hat diesen text verbessern? wäre echt nett! - DANKE

money- happiness?
Nowadays the aim in life of many people is having a lot of money. Some people try to get rich by playing in the lottery every week, some others work hard to treat themselves to the luxury. But does money buy happiness, too?

First of all, it is true that you need money to have/buy some essential things. If you really have no money, you are not able to buy food or to pay premiums or bills for e.g. for a flat. You need a lot money only to live.
On the one hand with money you cannot basically buy love or health. Let me give you an example. If you are terminally ill and you only have a few days to live, you will most likely prefer it to spend your time with your friends, parents or partners that loves you instead of sitting alone in/at your villa infront of your new television set.
But on the other hand if you have an illness and you are rich too, you have the opportunity to pay e.g. very expensive and necessary operations. You are able to be treated by the best doctors and to get the best drugs.
Another advantage of being rich is that you are able to make your dreams come true. You can visit several countries around the world, buy your dream house or even fly to the moon. With money you can make many things possible.
It is important to mention that many people think that there are only advantages of being rich, but it isn’t true.
One disadvantage might be that if you are rich, you only have a few REAL friends. Most of your so called friends are only interested in your money and those won’t be your friends any more if you have no money some time. So rich people have the problem to find real friends.

My personal view is that money is important to live, but we shouldn’t adjust our lives to the money. There are many things in the world that are unpaid, such as moments with your friends and family. Unfortunately money runs the world today, and people are greedy and they don’t make the best of health and love.


        
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Verbesserungsvorschläge: Antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 19:55 Di 13.05.2008
Autor: Ripischiep

Hallo little bubble,
hier mal meine Korrekturen/Vorschläge:

money=happiness? (Vorschlag: Is money equal to happiness?!)
Nowadays, the main/only aim in the lives of many people is to have a lot of money. Some people try to get rich by playing in the lottery every week, other people work hard in order to enable(=ermöglichen) themselves a luxurious life. But does money buy happiness, too?

First of all, it is true that you need money to have/buy some certain essential things. If you really do not have any money, you are not able to buy food or to pay premiums(?) or bills for e.g. for a flat or whatever. You do (verstärkt) need a lot of  money only to live(/only to sustain life=um am leben zu bleiben).

On the one hand with money you actually(=eigentlich) cannot buy love or health. But if, for example,  you are terminally ill and you only have (only (besser hier als davor)) a few days to live, you will most likely prefer it to spend your time with your friends, parents or partners, your beloved ones, instead of sitting alone in/at your villa in  front of your new television set.

On the other hand if you have an illness and you are rich too, you have the possibility  to pay e.g. very expensive and necessary medical treatments/surgeries(=medizinische Behandlungen/Operationen). You are able to be treated by the best doctors and to get the best drugs. Wiederholung, hast du vorher schon gesagt, außerdem ist das “able” falsch.  

Another advantage of being rich is that you are able to make certain dreams of yours come true. You can visit several (different) countries around the world, buy your dream house or even fly to the moon. Money can make many things possible.

But nevertheless(=aber trotzdem), it is important to mention that many people think that there are only advantages of being rich, which is (of course=selbstverständlich) not true. For instance, one disadvantage might be that if you are rich, you only have a few REAL friends. Most of your so-called friends are only interested in your money and will not (ausschreiben!) be your friends any more, if you have lost it. So rich people have a problem, namely to find real friends.

My personal view is that money is important to live, but we should not exclusively(=ausschließlich) live to make money. There are many things in the world that are priceless (<<auch in anspielung auf die mastercard reklame)/for free, such as moments with your friends and your family. Unfortunately, nowadays, money runs the world and people are greedy and don’t make the best of health and love.


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